13 07 2017

Crossposting from the Trashboat Regatta event page:

It is with tremendous regret that I find myself obligated to pull the plug on what would have been the 8th annual Kansas City Trash Boat Regatta, but I have received notice from the KCKSFD that they are no longer willing to provide a safety escort. Given the nature of your boats and the varying degrees of navigation experience among participants, I cannot in good conscience hold this event sans rescue personnel. I am sorry to disappoint so many people, but the responsibility for your safety lies heavy on my shoulders.

As this would have been my final Regatta, I will later be deleting the Facebook group and event pages and shuttering the website.

So long, and thanks for all the fish. It’s been a fun run.

I hate that I have to post this, but apparently I do:

The event is cancelled because I cannot in good conscience run the Regatta without rescue service attendance.
While there is nothing stopping people from making their own boats and floating them in their own time, I ask that you DO NOT CONVENE AN UNOFFICIAL REGATTA. Especially not on the date previously scheduled.

I am out of this event. I no longer will take responsibility for planning, promoting, or organizing the event. I will not take responsibility for your safety or lack thereof.

I ask that should any of you host any future events of a similar nature, that you DO NOT re-use the “Kansas City Trashboat Regatta” name. I have copyrights on that name and the logo and do not want to continue association and/or liability (assumed, implied, or explicit). My name has been legally and traditionally associated with this event, name, and venture.

Thank you for your consideration in this matter.

2016 Kansas City Trashboat Regatta

23 06 2016

The Regatta returns for another rubbish-raft river float of soggy, boggy adventure on August 7, 2016.  Following back-to-back with Singlespeed KC 2016, brace yourself for a weekend of lo-budget dirtball good times.

Meet us at Kaw Point at 1:00 p.m. for launch. Landing at Riverfront Park in the East Bottoms around 3:00-ish.

Expect the usual – Prizes.  Lots of prizes, many of them terrible.  Food.  Drink.  Irreverent attitudes toward good taste.  No bagpipes.  Bragging rights.  Strange things floating in the water.

Be there or be tuna-shaped!

Registration is now open

9 05 2016


Registration is free. It is not required, but it is recommended.

Registration puts you in the running for prizes. Registration helps me plan for refreshments at the after party.

Registration makes your pelt shinier, your buttocks tighter, and identifies you as a generally hoopy frood.

You know you want to…register now!

Aaaaand the winner is…

7 07 2014

This year’s prizes may be better than ever before. Ahem. And by “better” I mean that the word “scrotum” can be applied in describing at least one item. Dunno if you want to consider this in incentive or a warning, but I’m telling you now, there’s shit to be won, and won’t nobody be going home empty handed. As always, consider this a promise and a threat. Y’arr.

The event listing on the ole’ FB-
6th (& a Bit) Annual Trashboat Regatta


What you need to know about the 2013 Trashboat Regatta:

14 06 2013

2013 TB Flyer

(poster credit – Jaclyn Dalbey)

IMPORTANT. Like actually and seriously.

This year’s Regatta will meet directly at Kaw Point. We shall meet on Saturday 6-29-13, because nobody else came up with a better date. We’ll convene at 3:00 p.m. and hope to launch by 3:30-ish.

As always, boats are encouraged to be either amphibious or bike-towed, but it’s totally understandable if the weight of awesomeness in your craft requires a motor vehicle to get it to and from the launch. If you do drive, it’s up to you to arrange for a recovery vehicle at Glow In The Dark Park.

Again, as always, you MUST wear a life jacket. Ideally, one which could actually support your weight if you do tip into the drink. But, as we consider this a voluntary-participation event, if you do choose to wear insufficient life safety equipment and suffer dire consequences because of it, you can’t say you weren’t warned!

As is traditional, drinking PRIOR to launch is prohibited.  This and the lifejacket thing are literally the only things I consider non-negotiable.  I don’t care how shitfaced you get at the end of the float – in fact, I heartily encourage liberal consumption of grog at the after party, but please, please, please, do not sail drunk.

Well, I think that’s about it. If anyone has any questions or comments (even if they are snarky or silly) feel free to fire ’em off below.


Dread Pirate Meetzorp.


18 05 2011

Regatta 4.5, The Ship-Reckoning will take place on:

September 22, 2012 @ 3:00 p.m.


(starting point – 1717 W. 9th Street

If you missed the Regatta in July, now’s your chance to have another go.  Anoint yourself with the finest Missouri mud, partake of adventure on the not-high-seas, and be the captain of your own DESTINY!

What will happen, with any luck, is that a bunch of people will build trashboats, and we’ll put in at Kaw Point, pull out at Glow In The Dark Park, and then throw down on a dirtbag potluck picnic.  There may be prizez, it really depends on how bounteous the local dumpsters are between now and then.  Brace yourself, is all I’m saying.

If you have any questions as to what a Trashboat looks like, I suggest that you go and check out Chunk 666’s Aquachopper adventures for elucidation and inspiration. Chicago’s illustrious Rat Patrol’s trashboats were another inspiration for the upcoming festivities. Basically, a trashboat is any bicycle powered or bicycle-towed “boat.” Preferably it doesn’t sink or break apart under its own ill-considered engineering. Buckets, bottles, and barrels are the most common pontoons, though you can make a trashboat out of just about anything, so long as it floats and can either be ridden or towed to the launch site. If your trashboat is a trailer, you need to consider how to secure your bike to it so that you can tow it back home after the party.

The rules are:

* You cannot spend more than $100 on materials. Ideally, most of your creation should be made out of re-used refuse.
*You MUST have a life-vest
* Pack out everything you packed in…please try to build something that won’t fall apart in the water and leave rubbish all over in the river.
* human or wind power only….no motors, no matter how nifty. Pedal-powered-paddlewheels, oars, or sails are the way to go
*You need to be able to ride it to or tow it by bike to the launch and ride/tow it back from the end point
*No drinking beforehand – after the Regatta you can get as liquored-up as you want (heck, you’re encouraged to), but let’s not make an already foolish and risky activity into a potentially deadly one.
* The standard FT disclaimer applies: somebody’s bike will break, somebody will get hurt, no whining.

We’re shamelessly inspired by and ripping off two of the most illustrious groups of frankenbike builders in the Country: ChVnk666 and the Rat Patrol. The world needs more mad tinkerers and completely ridiculous bicycles in it. We here in KC should pitch in and help make the world a weirder place. You should check out the other exploits of both Chunk666 and the Rat Patrol from their main websites.

Stay tuned, because this should prove entertaining for all.